“ Once upon a time, under a Magical Mount far, far away, above a god-forsaken village in Attica lived a tribe of cattle thieves….”
One very special Attican, (ts)Putsarix by name and reputation climbed the Magical Mount and received the Cup of Mystical Powers brewed by the Old Man of the Mountain, Peyotefix. And (ts)Putsarix drank deeply of the Cup of Mystical Powers and came down the Mount carrying in one hand a tablet containing The Two Commandments and in the other hand a musical instrument, a lyre, which magically made every lyre he sang ring true.
Engraved on the Tablet of the Two Commandments:
I. Borrow ‘til the Cows Come Home
II. Steal Whatever You Borrow
Putsarix had a buddy named Forkedtungafix. Forkedtungafix lived so far out among the cattle that he always had to wipe the cow pattys from his face before he spoke. But as luck would have it, when he was a baby he was left out to play with these cow pattys and so he grew up the most powerful cow patty discus thrower in all of Attica.
Attica was in trouble. Attica had nothing to offer the modern world but cattle dung and memories of philosophical conundrums of long, long ago. There was no market for cattle dung and so Attica desperately needed another teat to suck on.
So, there was nothing for it, but to find a new teat to suck on. And so the intrepid duo, (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix set out to follow the Two Commandments. And boy did they find it !
Poor Rich Widow Euterix was so lonely that when she was approached by these kids (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix bearing gifts of cattle dung she saw only sunshine and ouzo. So she invited them to come live with her in her house full of other orphans. Now it so happened that the orphans lived together and had all become one big family; harmonious and happy as kittens playing together. At first, (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix fitted right in and played along.
But, (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix had other plans. The books of their cattle dung business were cooked you see (remember no demand for dung) to remove the smell. Then they sold poor Rich Widow Euterix a tale and got her to invest great gobs of the savings of the other orphans in this Greek myth of a great cattle dung business.
But then a strange thing started to happen: the (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix promises to fix the cattle dung business were not being done; the promises to modernize were not being done; the repayments to the orphans’ fund were not being done.
So, it was the orphans who finally cried out – what is this smell? Poor Rich Widow Euterix tried and tried to calm the orphans that all was ok; not to worry. She promised that (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix were good at heart – that the Attican cattle-stealing days were long over.
Finally, poor Rich Widow Euterix gave in to the cries of pain from the orphans who were working long and hard (some even 32 hour work weeks) for some relief. She demanded of (ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix an accounting and that they keep their promises.
(ts)Putsarix and Forkedtongafix said ‘but we have no books, it was just a dung business after all and who kept books on dung’! But poor Rich Widow Euterix saw a € 100 billion euros sticking out of Attican pockets from Euterix’s own ECB. So she said to them, but I see what’s really going on.
And the Atticans walked out (of that once happy family) crying foul and taking some € 420 billion euros with them. As they skipped away back to Attica, slapping themselves on the back for another great round of cattle rustling, they shouted over their shoulder ‘anyone who would take the evidence of their own eyes over Atticans’ solemn word, deserves to have a (ts)Putsarix stick it to a Euterix’ !!
(please pardon the pun, part Greek, on the names, but conned, after all, is a form of being screwed)